The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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