Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
