he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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