i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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