you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
