i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
