Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
