i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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