We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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