It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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