I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My balls are so social today.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
