I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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