If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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