he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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