from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
