I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
