You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
