Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
lets start a swedish sibling band together
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
