i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
