Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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