can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
