Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
