His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
