i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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