I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize