Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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