I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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