Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success