i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We need to get me chipped asap
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”