It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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