Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today