hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
