I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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