I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
