i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
