yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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