this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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