you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
