There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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