I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
