they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
