is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
