im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just had sex bonerless
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i now understand why vodka
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
