This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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