Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The cops high fived after they tackled you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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