Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
