her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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