I faked an abortion last night.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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