Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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