So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
