Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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