do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
