I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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