I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
