If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
