Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
