I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
